She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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