great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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