Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
