Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
