Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize