Do you still have your period?
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
