Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
