Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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