it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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