Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Just puked most of my soul out..
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