He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
