is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
i've created a new STD.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Pooping to opera.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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