I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize