I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
