I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Randomize
