i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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