Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i think my mom watched the whole time
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
