Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
