Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
