I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
