Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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