how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Just high enough for therapy.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
