you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
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