he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
