So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
