She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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