Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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