We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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