I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
