so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
