she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
