Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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