he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
