Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize