he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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