Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
my liver is dry heaving
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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