So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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