and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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