I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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