mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Randomize
