i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
