I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Randomize
