I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
