...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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