you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
