Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
