Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
