She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
and you fell through a lawn chair
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
