I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
