I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Randomize