I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
