Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
