Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize
