I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
