apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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