why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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