I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I'm having to shit out rocks
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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