Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize