How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
