but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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