I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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