Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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