when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize