Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
