I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I just forgot I was standing up.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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