I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
