$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Randomize
