My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
