this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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