operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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