I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
and she was petting her beer can
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
