we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
