I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
