If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
