she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
