i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
