Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize