I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
