Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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