Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize