Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Randomize
