were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
