She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
