when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
