i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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