Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
