i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
