I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
