either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
