I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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