her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
