Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
