Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize