how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
