Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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