I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
