the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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