So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
operation have a gay friend backfired
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
