we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
