if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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