covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
