I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
