you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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